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"The Creature In The Closet" (Original Friendship Version)
by Fred Passmore copyight 2004

(Click here to read the Valentine's Day version, where the focus is on sweethearts.)

Synopsis: A man has been holding a grudge against a neighbor, and it is making him sick. In a parable about the dangers of hidden resentments, two policemen come to investigate a report that someone on the neighborhood is harboring a creature known as a "grudge."

Characters: Ron Evans, the man holding the grudge. Officers Steven Stryker and Phil Barks. (Barks may be played by a male or female, changing the first name to Phyllis if female.) Next door neighbor Bill.

Costumes: Ron is dressed casually. The officers may be plainclothes, in black suits and ties and dark sunglesses, or in uniform is you have them available.

Props: Two badges for the officers, a TV remote, a phone, keys on a key ring, a plastic trash bag with something heavy and sagging in it.

Setting: The living room of a home, with a sofa and a couple of chairs, or a table and three chairs. As much or as little furniture and decorations as desired.

"The Creature In The Closet"

(Play Cut # 1 on the Soundtrack CD; the Skit Open. It has the TV sounds and the doorbell on the same track.)

(Ronald is watching TV when the doorbell rings. He gets up tiredly and answers it. At the door are two men in uniform wearing dark sunglasses.)

Ron:Yes?

Officer Stryker: Ronald Evans?

Ron: That's me.

Officer Stryker: (Flipping out a badge.) I'm Officer Stryker, this is my partner, Officer Barks.

Officer Barks: (Also briefly flips out a badge.) How do you do.

Officer Stryker: We're from the Department of Creature Control, Grudge Division.

Ron: How can I help you, officers?

Officer Stryker: We're here to investigate a report that you are harboring a grudge.

Ron: Me? No, that's ridiculous.

Officer Barks: Mind if we come in and take a look?

Ron: I'm not feeling too well, today. But if you want to come in, feel free. I have nothing to hide.

Officer Stryker: Thank you. (They enter the room, both removing their sunglasses and looking around. The TV noise is loud.) Do you mind turning that down a little?

Ron: Sure. (He does so.)

Officer Barks: You know, grudges are dangerous creatures, Mr. Evans. Even small ones. Secretly harboring one can be harmful to you and everyone around you.

Ron: I understand, I'd never do that. Besides, I'm a Christian, and I don't believe in doing things like that.

Officer Stryker: Grudges will try to take up with anyone, Mr. Evans. If you let them stay, even a little while, they're hard to get rid of.

Officer Barks: Hmm, everything looks fine in here.

Officer Stryker: (Walking to a door and motioning.) What's in this room?

Ron: (Nervously.) Uh... it's just a storage room, nothing really. Not much more than a closet. (Starts to walk in opposite direction.) Let me show you the kitchen...

Officer Barks: (Sniffing and wrinkling his nose.) What's that awful smell?

Ron: (Apologetically.) Sorry, my stomach's been giving me trouble lately.

Officer Barks: (Sniffing the air, he moves toward the closet door.) No, it seems to be coming from this room. What are you storing in there?

Ron: (Lightly, trying not to arouse suspicion.) You know, this and that, mostly junk. Nothing you'd be interested in.

Officer Stryker: Let us be the judge of that. (Tries the door.) It's locked.

Ron: Right, I hardly ever go in there.

Officer Barks: Would you unlock it for us, please?

Ron: Well, if you insist. (Takes keys out of pocket.) Let me see... (Searches key ring, stalling for time.) I know it must be here somewhere...

Officer Stryker: (Observing him as he fumbles with the keys.) You know, Mr. Evans, grudges seem to make good pets, especially the small ones, but they can never be domesticated.

Officer Barks: And the older a grudge gets, the bigger and uglier it grows. You can't keep it hidden forever. Sooner or later it will escape and maul someone.

Ron: I'll keep that in mind, in case I ever see one. (Getting nervous now.) I-I can't seem to find the key for this door. But I'm telling you, there's nothing in there that could possibly be dangerous!

Officer Stryker: Mr. Evans...

Ron: Call me Ron, please. Can I get you gentlemen something to drink?

Officer Stryker: No thanks. Ron...

Ron: A snack, then. Maybe some crackers and cheese?

Officer Barks: (Interested.) What kind of cheese?

Officer Stryker: (Shooting a look at his partner, he emphasizes his words.) No, really. We just ate.

Ron: How about some home-made candy, then? I have some great coconut and caramel fudge!

Officer Barks: Oooh, my favorite! Do you use fresh coconut?

Ron: Absolutely! Let me get some you some...

Officer Stryker: (Intensely, to both.) NO! (A little more quietly.) Thanks. Ron, I have to say that you seem a little uncomfortable.

Officer Barks: Nervous, even. Are you hiding something?

Ron: No! I mean, not at all. Who told you that I was harboring a grudge? Bill Elliot, next door? I bet it was him.

Officer Stryker: It's not important. What is important is that you understand the consequences of such a thing.

Ron: I knew it! That little weasel Elliot has had it out for me ever since I accidentally ran over his cat with my garden tiller. How was I to know it was using my flower bed for a litter box?

Officer Barks: Ron, all we want to do is help. Getting rid of a grudge is much harder than getting it, and we can assist you, if you only cooperate with us.

Ron: (Still ranting.) And then to get back at me, he puts on his sprinker system right after I had painted the house, and ruined the new coat of paint on one whole side! That cost me a day's work and $150 worth of new paint. Oh, sure, he said it was an accident, but I know better. He was just jealous because my flowers suddenly started growing so well.

Officer Stryker: (To Barks.) Uh, Phil, why don't you take Ron and check out some of the other rooms. I'll keep working on this door.

Ron: (Suddenly blocking the door with his body.) No! You can't go in there! (Realising he is giving himself away, he tries to recover.) I... uh, just had it fumigated! Roaches. Big ones.

Officer Barks: (As an aside, to his partner.) I'm glad we passed on the fudge, now.

Officer Stryker: Stand aside, Ron. We know what you're hiding. (He motions with his head to Barks to move Ron, who takes him by the arm and pulls him away.)

Ron: No! You don't know what you're doing! Stay away!

Officer Barks: Now, just calm down! (As he spins Ron around and pins him against the wall.) This is for your own good.

Officer Stryker: (Standing ready to break down the door.) If you won't help us, Ron, we'll break the door down anyway.

Ron: (Resignedly.) All right, I'll try to open it again. (Barks releases him and he selects a key.) I think this might be it.

Officer Stryker: I'll try it. (Holding out his hand, he takes the key.) Stand back.

(Play Cut #2: Suspense/Attack Music)

(Barks holds Ron by the arm and draws him to one side. They watch carefully as Officer Stryker carefully approaches the door and inserts the key.)

Ron: (Urgently.) Be careful! (They look at him. He tries to cover his accidental admission.) It, uh, might be stuffy in there after all this time.

(Stryker slowly turns the key, which works. He opens the creaking door slightly, then a little more, looking through the crack. After a tense moment, he pushes it open some more, and sees nothing.)

Ron: (Somewhat surprised, but relieved.) See? I told you there was nothing in th-

(SUDDENLY there is a ferocious snarling and growling as something monstrous charges the door! The music on the previous track erupts in a dramatic sequence.)

Officer Barks: Look out, Steve!

(Officer Stryker, reacting to the attack, jerks back and tries to close the door, but something has it from the other side, trying to pull it open! Ron is screaming in terror, and Barks rushes to help his partner close the door against the onslaught of animalistic fury.)

Officer Stryker: Pull, Phil, pull!

(They finally get it shut and relocked, dropping back away from the door and breathing heavily. The sounds of growling and scratching still emanate from behind the door.)

Officer Barks: Now, that's a big grudge!

Officer Stryker: (Still breathing heavily.) Ron, anything you want to tell us now?

Ron: (Slumping.) Yeah, now that you know, I might as well confess the whole thing.

Officer Barks: Why don't we sit down and talk about it. (Motions to seats in living room.)

(All taking a seat, an officer on each side of Ron.)

Officer Stryker: Tell us how it started, Ron.

Ron: (Wringing his hands.) It came right after I got upset with Bill about ruining my paint job. I was sitting on the porch, thinking about him, when here comes this little grudge, hopping up on the step. It looked so cute, and harmless.

Officer Barks: They all do at that age.

Ron: I picked it up, and it rubbed against me, purring like a kitten. It was so comforting to listen to, and when I talked to it about my problems, it seemed to listen to me. In fact, as I talked about Bill, it seemed to enjoy it, and would roll around and jump on my lap in joy. It crawled inside my coat and curled up like it was at home. I carried it around with me, and I never wanted to let it go.

Officer Stryker: It didn't stay cute for long, did it?

Ron: No. As it grew, it lost it's fur and grew scales. It's teeth got sharper and it's claws would grip me so tight it hurt. As it got bigger, it would demand my attention and make me feed it. Then, I couldn't let go of it. Rather, it wouldn't let go of me.

Officer Barks: Ron, we've found that these type of things behave according to a pattern. Did you find it starting to take over your life?

Ron: Exactly! No matter where I went or what I did, the grudge was always there, clinging to me and making me think about it. It interfered with my relationships with my friends and family. Finally I locked it in the storage room and tried to forget about it. It's been there for almost a year now. (Ashamed.) I was afraid to face it and I was afraid to ask for help.

Officer Stryker: We understand. But, Ron, ignoring it won't make it go away. Grudges like this one fester, and get more poisonous, and smelly. Eventually they break out and cause a lot of pain and heartache.

Ron: Lately I've begun to feel sick all the time. It's affecting me physically. (Pleadingly.) Officers, what do I do? I need help. I want to get rid of it but I don't know how!

Officer Stryker: Confessing it is the first step to getting rid of it. You've done the right thing by coming clean. But that's only the first step.

Officer Barks: That's right, Ron. There's something you have to do. Talk to your friend Bill and confess it to him, and ask his forgiveness. Then the grudge will die.

Ron: (Indignantly.) Ask him to forgive me? But he's the one that wronged me!

Officer Stryker: Nevertheless, you have the grudge. It only stays as long as you hide and protect it.

Ron: (Sighing heavily.) Well, if you're sure that will help get rid of it.

Officer Barks: Trust us. We're professionals.

Ron: ((Slapping his knees, then standing.) All right, I'll call him up.

(Stryker and Barks nod at each other and smile slightly, both standing. Barks goes to the door.)

Stryker: No need, he's waiting right outside.

(Begin Cut #3, Reconciliation Music. Play softly.)

(Barks opens the door and motions. Bill enters hesitantly, standing just inside the door.)

Bill: (With some tripidation, he lifts a hand.) Hey, Ron. Hope you don't mind that I came over with them.

Ron: Bill! Not at all, I'm glad you did.

Bill: (Perking up slightly.) Really? You're not still mad at me?

(Barks takes Bill by the arm and leads him over to where Ron is standing.)

Ron: Bill, I have something to confess to you. Ever since our little... conflict, I've been harboring a grudge against you.

Bill: I thought so. I've been worried about it. That's why I called these guys.

Ron: Really? I didn't think you'd noticed. Well, I'm glad you called them. I never would have listened to you. (Steps toward him.) I'm sorry for it, and I ask your forgiveness.

Bill: (With a sheepish smile.) All forgiven, buddy. I never wanted us to have a falling out. I'm sorry for my part in it.

(Bill sticks out his hand, which Ron takes and shakes with warmth.)

Ron: (With a smile.) Thanks, Bill. I forgive you too.

(Stryker and Barks look at each other and smile in empathy at the scene and Barks even wipes some moisture from an eye.)

Ron: Hey, you want to get together with the wives and have a cookout this afternoon?

Bill: (Happily.) That'd be great! It's been too long since we had one.

Ron: Great! Why don't you get the little woman and come back, and we'll get the coals going.

Bill: (Turning to go, with excitement.) Give me about 10 minutes to get some stuff together and we'll be right over!

Ron: (Seeing him to the door, he claps him on the back as he leaves.) See you later, buddy. (Closing the door, he turns back around with a smile, and looks at the officers.) Hey, I feel great! Like a load has lifted off of my shoulders. Thanks for your help!

Officer Stryker: Glad we could be of assistance. Now, let's see about that nasty old grudge.

(They go to the door and unlock it, opening it. They all react to a bad smell.)

Officer Barks: Whew! What a stench! Something must have died in here.

(Officer Stryker goes into the room.)

Officer Stryker: (Calling back from the room.) I've found it! Your grudge has kicked the bucket, Ron!

Ron: (With relief.) Thank God! I've never been so happy to see something go.

(Stryker comes out of the room with a plastic garbage bag, sagging with something inside of it.)

Stryker: A heavy little monster. But, it won't bother you again. We'll take it and dispose of the carcass for you.

(Officer Barks peeks into the bag and flinches in disgust.)

Officer Barks: Ugh! That's one nasty, stinky little critter. Good riddance!

(Officer Stryker ties up the bag as he heads toward the door.)

Ron: Thanks again, officers. I didn't realise how bad things had gotten with it being hidden here.

Officer Stryker: Well, sometimes, Ron, our own problems are often the hardest to recognise. It takes help from others to see them. And, to deal with them.

Officer Barks: Call us anytime if you need help again! (They both take out their dark sunglasses and don them as they leave.)

(As Ron sees them out the door.)

Ron: I will. God bless, and take care! (He closes the door, then leans against it and sighs.) Man, what a relief. (Brightening.) Well, I better get ready for that barbeque! Betty will be so happy we're all getting back together as friends. (Looking up with a smile.) And you know what, Lord? So am I.

(He leaves as the Close Music, Cut #4, comes up and ends the skit.)

END

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