The DeeJay's Dilemma

Synopsis: Kelly, the DJ at a local rock station, is forced to put a preacher's program on the air during his shift. He tries to pass the time with various sinful distractions, but in each case the Holy Spirit leads the preacher to address that sin, and Kelly is convicted of them one at a time. Finally he responds to the Gospel message and gives his life to the Lord, with immediate changes evident.

Characters: Kelly Whitehead, the DJ. Poppa Boyle, the boss. Reverend Bobby Penn, the preacher.

Props: Rolled up paper for "joint," matches, dark root beer bottle for "beer bottle," magazine with fake cover (with text "Perverts On Parade" printed in large letters on it) for "dirty magazine," large headphones, small headphones and CD walkman, Bible.

Setting: The inside of a radio station. May be as simple as a table with a chair behind it, and some sound equipment on the table.

SOUNDTRACK CD INFO

NOTE: Your actors deliver the dialog and you play the background music and effects tracks as listed in the script to enhance your performance.

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(Mr. Boyle, the station manager, walks in holding some CDs and cassettes. He places them on the table, sorting through them. The on-air station programming is playing at a low level in the background.)

(Mr. Boyle turns down the on-air monitor --coinciding with the sound fade on the track-- and picks up the phone after the third ring.)

Mr. Boyle: WZIT, Poppa Boyle speaking, may I help you? (Listens.) Yes, ma'am, I'm the manager. (Listens.) That would have been our DJ Kelly. What did you find offensive about it? (Listens.) I see... (Listens.) Well, in his defense, he did eat it when the show was over... (Listens.) No ma'am, it won't happen again, and I apologise.(Listens.) And to show we appreciate your input, I'll send you a certificate for a free meal at my restaurant, Poppa Boyle's Pizza Palace. Hello? Ma'am? (Shrugs and hangs up.)

Just then, Kelly dances in from the opposite direction, wearing sunglasses which he keeps on indoors. He has on a pair of headphones attached to a CD player in his hand. Even after he comes to a stop, his body is moving to the beat and his head is nodding as he looks at Mr. Boyle.)

Mr. Boyle: Kelly, I have a new program on the log today that comes on in about 10 minutes. Watch for the guy when he comes in to do it, okay?

Mr. Boyle: (Frustrated, he glances at his watch.) Look, I have to get over to the restaurant. Watch for the new program coming on at 3:10, the guy will be here any minute and I want you to take care of him.

Mr. Boyle: That's right, during your non-sponsored, non-paying music show. I can't get a sponsor for it since you pulled that stunt with the chicken.

Kelly: Mr. Boyle, please, you can't put on a program in the middle of my music set.

Mr. Boyle: Forget it, the time is already sold. Besides, it's only a five minute show, it won't kill you.

Kelly: A preacher? (Grabbing his head with both hands.) Oh, no! You can't be serious!

Mr. Boyle: (Shrugging.) We've gotta pay the bills somehow, and the advertisers aren't exactly knocking down our door. So if it means selling time to some naive preacher who thinks he can get somebody saved in five minutes, so be it. Who am I to tell him he's wasting his money? (Handing him a cassette tape.) Here's his music intro, make sure you use it. He recorded it himself.

(Kelly takes the cassette and dangles it with his fingertips as if it is repulsive.)

Mr. Boyle: His name is Reverend Penn. Treat him right. Remember, the air time he's buying is paying your salary for today! So... no preacher, no payday. Get it?

Mr. Boyle: Good! Those CDs are some Christian music, which you can play during his show in case he doesn't make it in time. (Slams door.)

Kelly: (Throwing the tape down on the table and flipping through the CDs.) What a bummer. A preacher, coming in to ruin a perfectly good Sunday. What can't these stupid fundies stay on their own radio stations where they belong? What makes them think anyone else wants to listen to them?

(Checking his watch, he puts on the large headphones and sits down at the control panel desk.)

Kelly: Well, he goes on the air in a few minutes. Maybe he won't even show and I'll be off the hook.

(He fades up the music --which comes up on the track-- and flips a switch to play the station ID, which is also heard on the track.)

Kelly: (Into the mic, in over-the-top "radio voice.") Rockin' on a Sunday afternoon, here on WZIT radio... where the hits, like your zits, just keep on p-p-poppin' up! I'm Kelly Whitehead, your main squeeze. The last half hour of non-stop music was brought to you by OXY 500. Be Foxy... Use Oxy! It's 3:05, stay tuned for the best in today's alternative rock.

But first, I wanted to remind you about the great concert tonight, brought to you by WZIT and Poppa Boyle's Pizza Palace, featuring Hitler's Clones, along with the rap group, The Uzis. What an explosive combination! Also, my band will be opening, called Bloodbath. The tickets cost... money. Lots of it. So get it, or you ain't goin'... got it? Good. (Tosses the paper and picks up another one.)

Now, I need to read a disclaimer before this new show comes on in a few minutes. (He looks around to make sure the Preacher hasn't arrived yet.) The preacher ain't here yet, so I thought I'd give you a little warning. (Reads the paper.)

(As he is reading the statement below, the Preacher carefully opens the door behind Kelly, peeking in. Seeing Kelly is on the air, he quietly lets himself in, easing the door shut, and stands there holding his Bible.)

"The following is a paid program and does not necessarily reflect the views of the staff and management of WZIT radio, or it's advertisers..." (Talking a little lower here.) Nor does it reflect the views of most of the civilized world, in my opinion, but they're paying for it, and the station owner, Poppa Boyle, says I gotta play it. Every Sunday, this cat will be coming on at 3:10 and trying to lay his narrow-minded, old-fogey jive on us, kinda like this guy I know who's always inviting me to his church. Some people got a lotta nerve trying to impose their values on the rest of us. Anyway, after this song, turn down the volume and space out while the preacherman blows off some steam, and I'll be right back after him with more music to blast your brains out! (He flips a switch to start the song.)

(Kelly is getting down to the music in his seat, snapping his fingers and moving in a "head-banging" motion. The preacher hesitates a few moments, then steps forward and gingerly touches Kelly on the shoulder.)

(The preacher jumps back, startled as well. Kelly quickly pulls off the headphones, turns down the music --coinciding with the music fade on the track-- and swings back to look at the preacher.)

Kelly: Preacher, you scared the....(starts to say a swear word, but stifles it with an effort and says:) ...life outta me!

Preacher: (Apologetically.) I didn't mean to startle you... I didn't want to bother you while you were on the air, so I let myself in quietly. I'm sorry I'm late, I got stuck in a traffic jam.

Kelly: All right... I'm Kelly Whitehead, I'll be helping with your program. (They shake hands.) You're on in a couple of minutes, so let's get you set up.

Kelly: Here's your microphone, stay pretty close to it. (He positions the preacher behind it.)

Kelly: (Doubtfully.) I'm... sure I will. (Looks at watch.) 45 seconds and you're on.

Preacher: You know, on the way over here, as I was stuck in traffic, I started getting worried about it. Would I make it in time, would I mess up, would anyone care what I said? But I started praying about it, and the Lord spoke to my heart.

Preacher: Yes, and He seemed to say, "Bobby, I'm in control. Trust Me, something good is going to come out of this program today." So, I'm excited about it!

Kelly: Right.... that's great. (He pats him on the back condescendingly. As he backs away from the preacher toward the table, he circles his finger next to his temple, crosses his eyes and sticks his tongue out of the side of his mouth in a crazed expression. He is behind the preacher so he can't be seen by him.)

(Play Cut #8, which brings up a rock song as it finishes. The Station ID plays, and then the program's Organ intro.)

(As it plays, the Preacher is smiling and enjoying it. Kelly, behind him at the table, mockingly plays an imaginary organ in an exaggerated motion. The preacher turns to look, and Kelly instantly switches to a wave, then when the preacher turns back with a smile, he resumes mocking the music with a pulled face and pious expression.)

(Note: Go here for a complete isolated text version of the preacher's sermon, which can be printed out and given to the actor playing the preacher. He can read from the paper as he does the program.)

Preacher: (As the music ends, he speaks clearly and warmly, at a measured pace.) Hello, there, I'm the Rev. Bobby Penn, and I'd like to welcome you to our first broadcast of the "Sunday Sermon" program. Thank you for joining me, and I'd like to invite you to think with me on the subject, "How To Find Happiness."

(Kelly mocks each line below with an action that reflects what is being said; shading his eyes and looking left and right, etc.)

Many people today are looking for happiness. They're looking to the left, to the right, and they're scanning the horizon for something to satisfy their soul. But they can't find it. Perhaps this describes you, my friend.

(Kelly, behind him, makes a distasteful face and shakes his head "no" broadly.)

You may be involved in sin in your attempt to find happiness. The Bible says there is pleasure in sin... but it only lasts for a season. It's reward, however, lasts forever. But, the thought of being accountable to God for your sins disturbs you, and you try to distract yourself with things of the world, the sins it offers.

(As the above lines are delivered, Kelly dismisses the preacher with a wave and takes out a box of goodies to distract himself from the preaching. The first thing he takes out is the fake skin mag. He opens it, his face leering as he looks as the "photos" inside. As the lines in the next paragraph are said, he flips pages, reacting with silent "wows," then turns it up sideways and opens it out to the centerfold, eyes bugging.)

For example, many are enslaved by the bondage of pornography and illicit sex. This may be briefly stimulating, but is degrading, dangerous, and will ultimately lead you to hell itself.

(Kelly's head pops up comically from behind the magazine and he looks at the preacher as he says the word "hell.")

That's right, I said hell. It's an unpopular word today. But Jesus spoke of it as being a place of fire and torment, apart from God, from which there is no escape. Destroy this sin before it destroys you.

(As the preacher continues, Kelly looks as the magazine in his hand, back at the preacher, and, suddenly convicted, throws it away under the table.)

I urge you to turn to the Lord now, while there is still time, before you enter those fires. Christ says, "He that believeth on me hath everlasting life."

(Shrugging, Kelly takes out a fake "joint" and puts it in his mouth as the lines below are read. He lights a match and is about to light the "joint" when he hears the preacher say "marijuana," and he freezes, realising that the preacher has again said what he is doing.)

Then there are those that turn to the use of artificial stimulants in a vain attempt to escape life's difficulties, and to try to find satisfaction. But drugs, such as marijuana or others, are not an escape. Drugs promise enlightenment, happiness and a taste of heaven, but that's not what they deliver. They will lead you only to the destruction of your body and soul, in the fires of hell.

(At the word "hell," Kelly comically spits out the "joint" as far as he can. The match is still burning in his fingers.)

I pray that God lets you feel a little of the fire just now, and that the taste of hell discourages you from going there.

(The match begins to burn his fingers and he reacts in pain, shaking it out and throwing it down. He puts his finger in his mouth and looks worried. The preacher is hitting him too close to home! But, quickly he shakes it off and takes out a "beer" bottle. As the preacher continues, he opens it and takes a swig, but suddenly poofs his cheeks and keeps it in his mouth as he hears the word "alchohol" delivered below. His eyes widen, and he shakes his head "no" as he anticipates what the preacher is about to say!)

If an effort to forget the impending fires of hell and their earthly troubles, many try to drown their worries in the depths of alchohol. But pickling your brain in booze doesn't make you happy, it only drags you down to hell itself!

(At the words "hell itself" he spews put the "beer" all over! He wipes his mouth and listens with concern.)

Drinking kills, my friend. It can't give joy, only take it. Jesus said, I am the bread of life: he that cometh to me shall never hunger; and he that believeth on me shall never thirst.

(Kelly stands, and comes out from behind the table to the space behind the preacher. He rubs his temple in thought, trying to figure out how this guy knows everything he is doing.)

My friend, God has not created you for such a life as this. Are you frustrated with everything you have to face?

(He begins pacing back and forth, stopping suddenly with a shocked expression when he hears the preacher say it.)

(He scratches his head wonderingly, then jerks down his hand as the preacher says it.)

(He waves his hand behind the preacher's head to see if he can see him or has eyes in the back of his head. Of course, the preacher describes his actions.)

Perhaps you are wondering, how does this preacher know my situation so well? Can he see me, somehow? No, I can't, but God can. His eyes are upon you right now.

(Kelly stops and looks up, as if expecting to see God spying on him. He begins running around in a circle, looking over his shoulder with paranoia!)

Do you feel as if you are going around in circles, as if someone is chasing you? The one chasing you is God. And he says to you right now, Stop in your tracks.

(Kelly freezes in his tracks and listens, removing his sunglasses, and paying close attention.)

Stop running and turn around. Take a step toward Him. He's reaching out to you. Reach out to Him. Jesus said, "Behold, I stand at the door and knock." Wouldn't you like to accept Christ into your heart, right this very minute?

(The preacher reacts to this, looking around at Kelly with surprise. He smiles and motions Kelly to stand beside him, which he does, contritely. The preacher, still speaking into the mic, directs his words to Kelly.)

Preacher: Then, my friend, to make Jesus your savior, follow me in this prayer, and mean it from your heart.

(Kelly bows his head and his lips move as he prays the sinner's prayer silently along with the preacher. He occasionally nods fervently in agreement with the words said.)

Preacher: Dear Jesus, I know I'm a sinner. I know I'm lost. But I am asking You to come into my heart and save me. I believe that you are the Son of God, that you died on the cross for my sins, and rose again. Forgive me of all my sins and save me, Dear Jesus. Heavenly Father, I come to You through Your Son. Accept me now, in His name, and someday, take me home to heaven to be with You. Amen.

(Kelly raises his head with a wondering expression and a big grin on his face. The preacher puts a hand on Kelly's shoulder as he stands beside him.)

Preacher: My friend, if you have prayed that prayer with me, and meant it, your name is now written in heaven, and you are a child of God.

(Kelly grins even bigger and reacts with excitement at each statement of this good news. He acts as if he has just won the lottery.)

Preacher: For the Bible says, "But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name."

(Kelly is overcome with emotion and breaks down, and the preacher puts his arm around him, which Kelly responds to with a sob and a huge sniffle.)

Preacher: The next thing to do is tell someone about your new faith in Christ. For we read in Romans :10:10: "For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation." God bless you as you begin your new life in Christ. I'm the Reverend Bobby Penn, and I'd like to invite you to join me again at this same time next week, on the "Sunday Sermon" program.

Kelly: (Excitedly.) I did it, preacher! I really did it! (Grabbing the preacher's hand to shake it.)

(The previous track playing the music for the salvation scene should be ending about now.)

(Kelly is still standing there smiling and shaking his hand, forgetting that he needs to put on the next part of the radio program. The preacher motions with his head to the table after a moment, and Kelly suddenly remembers his job, jumping to the table and starting the close music.)

Kelly: (Opening the mic as the music begins to play, he is sincere.) Hey, babies, uh, you've been listening to the Reverend Bobby Penn, on the "Sunday Sermon" program. Wasn't that a great message? I really needed that. Be sure to tune in again next week, and every Sunday, at 3:10 PM. And, tell all your friends about it too, they'll enjoy it. God bless you. (The organ music ends, and Kelly, by reflex, begins to intro another wild rock song in his "radio" voice.) All right! this is Kelly Whitehead, your main squeeze, back with more music to blow your eyeballs to the walls! Here's a new one from "Pistols and Petunias," called "Save the Flowers, Pick a Scab Instead!"

(The song blasts forth --on the track still playing--, and Kelly begins to do his "head-banger" action, with the preacher looking on with concern. He slowly turns and begins to leave the studio, somewhat disappointed. Kelly turns to look at him, and seeing his crestfallen expression, realizes he is not right. He slows his head-banging, thinking, then shakes his head "no," and stops the music --coinciding with the music dragging to stop on the track. The Preacher stops, turning back with hope.)

Kelly: (Dropping the radio voice and speaking sincerely.) Uh, listen, babies, something really big just happened to me, and I just gotta tell you about it. You see, while that preacher was layin' out the truth a few minutes ago, it caught up with me. I couldn't deny it any more. So I went and gave my heart to Jesus. He's real, man. And from now on, I'm living for Him, whatever it takes. You should do the same. Otherwise, your life will be just one big waste, like mine was.

Kelly: (Sighing.) And I guess that means the first thing I have to do is quit this job, I can't keep playing music by people that love the devil and live like him. And since I'm quitting, Poppa Boyle can't fire me for what I'm about to do. The rest of this afternoon, we'll be listening to some Christian music that old Poppa left for me earlier in case I needed it. Well, I say we need it now! Enjoy it, and goodbye!

Kelly: Hey, preacher, can we go somewhere to talk? I got lots of questions for you!

Preacher: You got it. Let's go get a bite to eat, my treat, and we'll talk all you want.

Kelly: Great! Anywhere but Poppa Boyle's Pizza Palace. You don't even want to go there.

(The Preacher claps him on the back and they leave happily as the music reaches the end and finishes on a high note.)

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