Prime Example's "Live From Downtown"

Synopsis: A reporter doing a live interview on location during Christmas tries to get passing shoppers to share their holiday cheer. He encounters a series of comically hostile or just plain nutty characters before a passing Christian helps him recover from his ordeal and shares the true source of holiday joy. Length of performance: approximately 10-12 minutes.

Wally W. Wigwhacker, the TV anchor.
His costume consists of a long coat over a suit and tie. He carries a wireless microphone.

The Old Lady
She wears a shawl, with gray hair and glasses. The hair can be spray-on color or a wig. She carries a shopping bag, containing a large plastic bone prop.

The Stressed Man
Coat and hat. Holds a styrophone coffee cup. The large goofy "magnifying glass" type of gag eyeglasses would work well with this character.

The Tipsy Man
Sloppily-dressed, with a Santa hat (the kind with white hair coming out from under the hat is particular funny). Needs a bottle of the type to represent a whiskey or liquor container.

The Carolers
A group of five or six (at least; but a larger group is even better) Christmas Carolers who are more concerned with being seen and heard than really witnessing.

Lady Passerby: She can't hear Wally properly because of the carolers and slugs him after a misunderstanding. Wears a big wig on top of her head.

Announcers #1 and #2
Off stage on microphone. These may be pre-recorded and mixed with the opening music. (If you are using the Soundtrack CD, these are supplied already, with the announcer lines added.)

Any extras you can muster will also help, as various "shoppers" walk past in the background occasionally.

Note: Your actors deliver the dialog and you play the background music and effects tracks as listed in the script to enhance your performance.

Soundtrack: As always, the specially-recorded soundtrack will make your performance of this skit script much funnier, professional, and effective. The music and sound effects called for in this script are available on our "Triple Feature Soundtrack CD #3," NOTE: There are a total of four tracks listed in the script below that the CD supplies. The rest of the tracks on the CD supply the music and effects used in "The Great Church Robbery," and "Cowboy Carl and Pal the Wonder Dog's Radio Christmas Special."You may order it now for $20 plus $1.50 shipping on the Soundtracks Page, or add it to your shopping cart by clicking here.

Note: This script soundtrack is written only for live performance and does not come with a completely-produced demo version with all the voices of all the characters (as some do, which are adapted from our comedy albums). You supply the live performance and dialog and use the music tracks as listed in the script to enhance your performance. The unseen TV announcers #1 and #2 at the beginning are on the first track, cut #6, though.

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(Song fades under as our reporter walks onto the scene. He is carrying a microphone. He stands and waits, looking at the "camera" which is the audience, as the intro to his live broadcast is heard.)

ANNOUNCER #1: (Cut #6 on the CD, continued) WWWW TV News is brought to you by the Wishy Washy Windshield Wiper Company. They're fairly certain they'll work well in wet weather. Now, here's Will Watson.

ANNOUNCER #2: (Cut #6 continued) "It's just two more days till Christmas and the streets are packed as the shoppers rush home with their treasures. Reporter Wally W. Wigwhacker is wight in the middle of the wush... I always do that! Right in the middle of the rush and we go there live to sample the holiday spirit on the street."

WALLY: (smiling) "Thanks, Will. People are indeed passing with huge packages as they scramble to find that last present. The Christmas mood is bright, however, as we meet smile after smile. (He stops a passing pedestrian.) Excuse me sir! Wally W. Wigwhacker of WWWW News. Would you mind sharing your Christmas joy with us?

The Train Man: "Huh? Huh? Huh? (Faster and faster, as he begins to shuffle his feet and move around.) Huh! Huh! Huh! Huh! (Like a train) Huh huh huh huh huh huh huh... (He grins at the audience and mimes pulling a train whistle as he chugs around in a circle) WooooWoooo! (He happily chugs off the stage.)

(Wally grimaces slightly, then changes it back into a smile as he looks back at the camera, or the audience.)

Wally: "Will, it seems we just had an encounter with one of our city's more colorful characters. But, what's Christmas without a fruitcake? (Another person has come onstage. It is the Old Lady.) Here comes a promising person. Excuse me, Wally W. Wigwhacker of WWWW News. Would you mind sharing your Christmas joy with our viewing audience?"

Old Lady: "You want me to have joy? Then gimme some money, mister! I'm trying to live on my sorry social security and my sorry late husband's sorry pension from that sorry job he worked at for 30 sorry years. You know what he did for 30 years, mister TV man?"

Old Lady: "Yeah, he worked in a clock factory! Now here it is Christmas, I've got 23 greedy grandkids who all want money, and I'm flat busted. In fact, here's all I could buy myself this Christmas. (Takes out an oversized bone from her shopping bag.) Here's my Christmas dinner! Now you want me to talk about joy? Get real, sonny!" (She conks him on the skull with the bone and stalks off.)

Wally: (Rubbing his head, he recovers with an attempt to lighten the moment.) "Well, it was nice of her to share her dinner with me. It seems that finding the Christmas spirit may be a little harder than I thought. But, we won't give up! Let's see if we can't snag someone overflowing with the merry mood of Christmas. (The Stressed Man is walking quickly onto the stage and goes to pass Wally, obviously irritated at this guy in his way.) Sir? Would you tell us what makes Christmas such a joy-filled time for you?"

Stressed Man: (Further irritated by the interruption.) "Joy? Where? I don't have time for joy, you idiot! (His ranting escalates.) What does Christmas have to do with joy? Don't you get it? I've got brothers and sisters and aunts and uncles and cousins and in-laws and outlaws at my house right now! They all need gifts! They all need food! They all need a bath! The plumbing at the house broke! And I'm trying to get all the stuff I need! But I can't find any of the stuff! The stores are out of stuff! And my therapist is out of his office! And the shoppers are out of control! (screaming) And I'm just about out of my mind!!! (suddenly goes completely calm) I gotta remember the Cheese Whiz..." (walks off preoccupied.)

Wally: (rapidly losing his cheer) "Christmas joy. It seems to be a rare commodity here in the big city. But everywhere are blinking lights, a light snow is falling, and the sound of carols being sung is in the air."

(The sound of singing is heard offstage under Wally's delivery. It grows louder as a group of carolers enters the stage area and proceeds to walk behind him, singing "Here We Come A Caroling." They get progressively louder as Wally speaks.)

Wally: (Continuing, he is cheered some.) "Well, it seems that we have here a true symbol of the season, some Christmas carolers! Indeed, a heart-warming tradition that is seldom seem anymore, especially the big city! Let's listen for a moment..."

(The carolers stop and sing right behind Wally. He falls silent for a moment as he moves to the side and listens, allowing the TV viewers to enjoy their singing.)

Wally: "Wonderful! Just wonderful. (Steps back in front of them and turns back toward the audience.) In this day and age, it's great to see a group of people set aside their own busy schedule and make time to brighten up the holiday of others..."

(But right in the middle of Wally's sentence, the carolers suddenly begin to sing again, this time at the top of their voices, belting out "Joy To The World," drowning out poor Wally!)

Wally: (Startled, and trying to speak over their singing.) "Oh! Uh... as I was saying, the sounds of the season are a great backdrop as we try to find the joy of Christmas..."

(The carolers are not moving on, but rather hogging the scene and singing louder, mugging for the camera, and each one jostling for a position where they can be seen.)

Wally: (Very distracted and yelling.) "...to find the joy of Christmas as we speak to passersby...! Excuse me, Miss! Miss! Would you mind sharing with our listeners..."

Lady: (Shaking her head and cupping an ear.) "What did you say, help you find your little boy?"

Lady: "You said my hair looks like a horse's rear? Well, I never!" (She slugs him with her shopping bag and stalks off.)

(The carolers are getting louder and more boisterous as they jockey for the best position amongst themselves to be on TV. Wally moves away to get them out of the shot, but they all rapidly crab-walk sideways as a group to stay behind him as he telecasts!)

Wally: (Looking back around and seeing this as he goes to speak, he stops as he does a double-take.) "What in the...?"

(The carolers all begin to move as a tight group toward Wally and threaten to swamp him as they sing and stare at the camera with huge grins!)

(Wally turns back toward the camera with a terrified expression as they gather around him and envelop him with their group and sing!)

Carolers: (Singing Hallelujah Chorus.) "Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hal-le-lu-jah!!!"

(Wally's microphone is held high in the middle of the group, then sinks down out of sight. A moment later he is seen to crawl out of the group on his hands and knees and scurry away from them. He stands just as they finish the single verse of the "Hallelujah Chorus" with a sustained and triumphant "Haaaaaalleeeeeeluuuuujaaaaaah!")

Wally: (Standing and recovering, he turns to the camera and gasps the lines.) "And now... we will ask the caroling group... to contribute of their money... to help the poor this Christmas!"

(At this, the group, looking alarmed, hurriedly begins to scurry as a tight group off-stage, singing the first verse of "Jingle Bells.")

Carolers: (As they leave.) "Dashing through the snow, on a one-horse open sleigh..."

Wally: (Running a hand through his hair, he speaks to himself.) "Wow. I was afraid they'd start singing "The Twelve Days of Christmas" next. (Turning back to the camera.) We'll keep looking. Surely someone is feeling happy today! In fact, here comes a jolly fellow now. (A disheveled man wearing a Santa hat staggers onto the stage.) Let's see if he has the spirit of the season!"

Tipsy Man: (singing in a slurred voice) "Jack Frosht roashting on an open fire...chestnutsh nipping at your nose... (to Wally) Yeah... (holds up bottle) I've got the spirits of Christmas right here. And they help me through this stupid time of the year 'cause nobody wants anything to do with a smelly, stinky, sloshed, slummy dummy like me. You know how long it's been since somebody gave me a present? It's been... (counts on his fingers) ...never! That's right, never. Makes me sick. And I'm sick! Look at this coated tongue..." (sticks out tongue in Wally face.)

Tipsy Man: "Been sick for...(counts on his fingers again) ...longer than I can remember. I only have a sliver of liver left! I've got so many ulcers my stomach looks like swiss cheese and that gives me chronic haaaalitoshish...(breathing on Wally each time he tries to say it, Wally leaning back and grimacing) haaaalishofish... haaaali... bad breath."

Tipsy Man: "And when I'm sick, I drink. And when I drink, it makes me sicker. And when I get sicker, I get drunker. And when I get drunker it makes me sicker. Know what I mean, buddy?"

Tipsy Man: "Looks like you could use somma this. Here, have a swig! (clumsily spills his whiskey all over Wally's coat) Oops, shorry! Let me clean it off. (rubs it in as Wally shies away.) Excuse me...I'm feeling sick... (drinks from bottle) That's better. Uh, oh... I'm sick... (hold his stomach, starting to become even unsteadier, he begins to lean on Wally) I'm really sick... I mean I'm really sick... " (He starts to heave and Wally tries to get away with the drunk chasing him, holding his stomach with one hand and the other to covering his mouth, with puffed-out cheeks. Wally finally ducks by him and the Tipsy Man staggers offstage, with the sounds of loud heaving echoing back.)

Wally: (wryly) "There's nothing that can keep his Christmas spirits down. (With a discouraged demeanor) It seems this city needs a visit from the Spirit of Christmas Past. Because the Christmas Present seems to have been shoplifted. Let's try just one more time. (The Indignant Man has come onto the stage with a swagger and his nose held high, using his umbrella as a cane.) Excuse me sir! Please tell us how celebrating Christmas... (he notices his demeanor and slows down) brings you... (says almost fearfully) ...joy?"

Indignant Man: (Speaking haughtily and with a angry sneer) "How dare you approach me with the idea of celebrating Christmas! That pagan, commercialized excuse for running up credit card bills, worshipping at the false altar of SANTA CLAUS and getting drunk! (sniffs Wally) Hah! Smells like you've had a few swigs yourself! The materialism, the greed, the mad rush for WHAT?! I tell you, it's EEEEEEEEEEVILLLLLLL! (he leans over Wally as he says this, and Wally leans back fearfully) PURE EEEEEEEEEEVILLLLLLLLL! (they do it again) Look at me! I don't participate in this heathen rite and I HAVE THE (punctuates each word by hitting Wally with his umbrella) TRUE... JOY... OF THE... LORD!!! HO, HO, HO!!! (stalks off)

(Wally is beaten down to the ground and huddles there, sobbing. The Helpful Person has come upon Wally and stoops to help him.)

Wally: (through his sobs and lifting his microphone up to him.) "Sir...would you care to share your Christmas joy with our viewing audience?"

The Helpful Person: "Well, sure. But let's see what we can do for you first. Looks like you need attention a lot more than I do. (helps Wally to his feet) Now, what seems to be the difficulty?"

(Begin Cut #7 on the Soundtrack CD. An instrumental of the song "The Entertainer," it comically speeds up as it progresses.)

(Wally launches into a sobbing, nearly inchoherant recap of his experiences, broadly mimicing the behavior of each person he encountered as he rapidly goes through the list. The performer should have fun with this, as it is his moment to shine as he blubbers and acts out the day, before he gives out of breath. This comedy bit should last about 30 seconds, or the length of the music on CUT #7.)

The Helpful Person: "Whoa, settle down there, fella! Catch your breath. Sounds like you've just about lost your holiday cheer, my friend."

Wally: "I don't know why people celebrate Christmas if it's such a headache!"

The Helpful Person: (Continuing.) "The angel said, 'Behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be unto all people. For unto you is born this day, in the city of David, a savior, which is Christ the Lord.' The true joy of the season only belongs to those who know Him. Otherwise it's an exercise in futility!"

Wally: (Starting to brighten up again.) "You're right. In all the rush, I tend to forget that sometimes."

The Helpful Person: "So do a lot of people. That's why this time of year is also the most depressing to some. They're basing their happiness on things that soon pass away and it always leaves them feeling empty."

Wally: "I think I understand. They celebrate the coming of Christ into the world but don't invite Him into their own heart."

The Helpful Person: "You've got it! (Thoughtfully.) You know, you're not far from the kingdom of God. Why don't we go discuss it over a cup of hot chocolate... my treat."

Wally: (Nodding, he smiles and turns to the camera) "There you have it. Finding the holiday spirit may be difficult to do in all this hustle and bustle... but maybe... just maybe we've been looking in the wrong place.

Wally: (Continuing.) Perhaps the key to our holiday hopes lies not in a gift from Macy's, but in the gift God sent to all of us, wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. This is Wally W. Wigwhacker, reporting live from downtown. Now back to the studios of WWWW TV."

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