"Attack of the Monster Tongue"


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(script for use with song soundtrack only; this song/skit is best performed in "Live Radio Style.")

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Music and lyrics copyright 1998 by Fred Passmore

(Opens with organ playing "O For A Thousand Tongues")

NARRATOR:

"The night was so thick
you could stir it with a stick
In our friendly, peaceful town.

Till an evil whisper blew in like a wind
that made the man in the moon to frown.
It slithered in someone's back door
and through the telephone lines.

But when it reached the church house steps
a chill went down my spine."

CHORUS:

Look out for the monster tongue!
It preys on the old and the young.
It's set on fire of hell,
when it strikes, no one can tell.
It could be right behind your back
to launch a sudden sneak attack.
"Something wicked this way comes..."

Attack...(shriek) of the Monster Tongue!

SKIT ELEMENT # 1

IRMA: "Hello, Sally? Irma. Guess who I saw walking past the liquor lounge today? Pastor Bob! What do you suppose he was doing in THAT part of town?"

SALLY: "Hello, Clarence? Sally. Mind you, this is not gossip...it's a prayer request. Pray for our pastor! He's been seen coming out of the liquor lounge!"

CLARENCE: "Hello, Frank? Clarence. Our pastor was seen yesterday at the liquor lounge...sittin' at a table with a strange woman! What about that? Oh, but don't repeat any of this!"

FRANK: "Hello, Tom? Frank. I'm not supposed to repeat any of this so I'm only gonna say it once...our pastor is an alcoholic and he's cheating on his wife!"

CHORUS REPEATS

SKIT ELEMENT # 2

IRMA: "I'm glad you came over, Annie. More tea?"

ANNIE: "Yes, thank you. Is it really true that Pastor Bob is a boozing, cocaine-addicted, wife-beating, Communistic, peeping tom?"

IRMA: "Yes! And even worse...he's a liberal!" (or use “Democrat.”)

ANNIE: (gasps)

(phone rings)

IRMA: "Excuse me, dearie. Hello?"

GERTRUDE: (filtered) Hello, Irma? Gertrude. Have I got a juicy tidbit for you!

IRMA: "Lay it on me, sister!"

GERTRUDE: "You know that vicious rumor about Pastor Bob? Turns out that he was on that side of town visiting that new family that's been coming to church. But the best part is...he found out who started it, and he's going to confront them now as we speak!"

IRMA: (spews out tea and chokes) "Really?"

GERTUDE: "You wouldn't happen to know who it is, would you?"

IRMA: "Uh, well...no, uh..."

(doorbell)

IRMA: "Annie! DON'T ANSWER THAT!!!"

NARRATOR:

"Yeah, that tongue had a sharp and deadly edge
and it spread some vicious lies.
But we used the two-edged Sword of the Spirit
to cut it down to size.
When it saw us filled with truth and love
it's monstrous heart turned chicken...
that day we used the Word of God
to give that tongue...a lickin'.

CHORUS and repeat last line

NARRATOR (over instrumental fade)

"I'm Pastor Bob...it happened to me.
It could happen to you.
Is that your phone ringing?
Whatcha gonna do?"

copyright 1998 Fred Passmore

(Inform me of your intention to use this script, or tell me what you thought of it, by going to the Contact Fred page of this site.)


Rights Of Use
(NOTE: The following terms must be printed out and included with any and all copies of the sketch distributed to performers, director, etc.)

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