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"Season's Beatings"

Written by Fred Passmore and Jon Lawhon Copyright 2002

(Adapted from our national one-minute radio program, "You Gotta Laugh!")

Listen to a Windows Media file of this program for inspiration!

In a short version of our script "Season's Beatings: Live From Downtown," a reporter tries to interview passersby to learn how they deal with holiday stress, with painful results!

WALLY: "This is reporter Wally W. Wigwhacker, live from downtown, asking passersby how they deal with holiday stress. Excuse me, sir, how do you deal with this stressful time of year?"

(The man punches him in stomach without slowing his pace or changing his expression, continuing to walk by and off stage.)

Wally: (doubled over, with a grimace.) "Not very well, I see!"

(A disheveled man in a Santa hat staggers up unsteadily, with a bottle in his hand. He stops to look blearily at Wally who has stepped in his way.)

Wally: "Sir, how do you deal with the stress the holidays?"

Tipsy Man: "I jusht get into the spirit! Got it right here in this bottle." (starts getting sick and runs off)

Wally: "Well, you can't keep his christmas spirits down..."

(Another man ( or woman) is approaching, holding a coffee cup in one hand, a shopping bag in another. He (or she) is wide eyed and jittery.)

Wally: "Excuse me! Please, tell our viewers what you do to defuse shopping stress."

Stressed man (or lady): "Let me tell you about stress: I've got brothers and sisters and aunts and uncles and cousins and in-laws and outlaws at my house right now! They all need gifts! But I can't find all the stuff! And the shoppers are out of control! And I'm just about out of my mind!" (He (or she) laughs maniacally and Wally backs off at the look in his (or her) eye as he (or she) resumes his (or her) stride.)

Wally: (Seeing another man coming.) "Sir! Christmas can be stressful, how..."

Haughty Man: "How dare you approach me with the idea of celebrating Christmas! That pagan, commercialized excuse for running up credit card bills, and worshipping at the false altar of SANTA CLAUS! Begone, heathen!" (begins to hit him with his umbrella as he signs off)

Wally: "Ouch! Well, trying to find some peace -oof!- can be stressful when you neglect the Prince of Peace! -Yowch!- I'm Wally W. Wigwacker, getting whacked by a wigged-out weirdo wielding a wicked walking stick!"

(He runs off stage pursued by the Haughty Man who is on a roll.)

END

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