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“Testimony
Show” script Music and lyrics copyright 1998 by Sheep Laughs Records
Note: This Live Performance Script differs from the shorter album version. It is an extended version with more parts and dialog, and differs some from the album version which you may have listened to on the previous page. The Soundtrack CD soundtrack is edited to accomodate these changes. (See explanation at bottom of script for more details.) This is the version I use myself when performing the script live. It is the original way it was written. The Comedy CD/radio release is a shorter, faster moving and different version, adapted especially for recording. The Soundtrack background music matches this script, not the Comedy CD album version! If you plan on doing it with your own dialog, the soundtrack will work. If you are only wanting to lip-sync the album version, do not use this script. Just listen to the Comedy CD album version and act along with it. It is included on the Soundtrack CD as a demo or lip-sync option. Note: If you opt not to order and use the soundtrack, then at least have several people sing the chorus parts to the tune of "When the Saints Go Marching In." (Dialogue begins the moment the music starts.) Wally: (Up and enthusiastic) Hello, and welcome to the Testimony Show, heard once weekly here on WWWW Radio. I’m your host, Wally W. Wigwhacker. The Testimony Show is sponsored by the Wishy Washy Windshield Wiper Company. They’re fairly certain they’ll work well in wet weather! Call now to give your testimony at 555-1111. (As each chorus plays, Wally does little things that one might behind the scenes at a radio station. Invent little bits like cleaning his glasses, taking a drink of water, shuffling through some tapes, etc. Just to keep it interesting while the singers do their thing.) Chorus 1: (sung) Oh, when the saints / start calling in / what they will say you never know. Oh, I want to call that number, to the Testimony Show! Wally: Testimony Show, you're on the air! 1st caller: Yeah! Wally: Hello there! 1st Caller: Howdy! Wally: How you doing? 1st Caller: Great! You doing alright? Wally: Just fine! 1st Caller: Good! Well... see ya later! (click) (Wally is taken aback and then looks a little bit annoyed at the crank caller.) Wally: Well, looks like he didn't quite understand the concept of a call-in talk show. Next caller: Testimony Show! 2nd caller; (wrong number): Hello, I’d like to order an large triple cheese monster pepperoni pizza with a double dose thick crust, with a big helping of eggplant topping mixed with a sprinkling of avacado parts... Wally: (trying to interrupt him, aggravated) Sir... sir! Excuse me, sir! 2nd caller: (distracted) Yeah? Wally: Sir, this is the Testimony Show, not the Pizza Palace. 2nd caller: Oh, yeah, I’ve heard of this show before. This is WWWW Radio, isn't it? Wally: (relieved) Yes, sir. 2nd caller: Can I make a request? Wally: Well, we’re not playing music right now, but I’ll try to do it later. 2nd caller: Okay...(suddenly antagonistic) I want to request that you get a real job! I'm out digging diches all day and you get to sit in an air-conditioned room, spinnin' a bunch of records and playing with buttons! The Bible says we’re supposed to work by the sweat of our brow, not kicking back in some chair and jamming to music! Wally: (cutting him off, now really aggravated) Thank you sir, but we’re looking for testimonies, not opinions! Chorus 2: (sung) Oh, when the saints / start calling in / to tell the world about their woe... Oh, I want to call that number, to the Testimony Show! 3rd caller: (an old lady) Hello, I thought I would just call in and thank the Lord... Wally: Please, go ahead! 3rd caller: I'm just so thankful that I'm still alive, cause I'm so sick... oh, you don't know how it's been... I got a liver disease and my stomach's half gone. My sinuses leak like a busted refrigerator, one ear is bigger than the other one... I got one big nostril and one small one... and one even smaller! But I thank the Lord He's keeping me alive, just barely. I thank God I'm not dead because of my perforated pancreas and my eye that inflates every three hours. I know the Lord's keeping me alive, but I I feel like I’m lying at death’s door... pray that God will pull me through! Thank you! Wally: (sympathetically) Oh, I will. That lady is so brave! What a burden to carry. (Begins to sob, getting somewhat down. He blows nose rather loudly in a handkerchief than wipes his forehead absentmindedly with the same hanky.) Let's keep her in our prayers today. Testimony Show, you’re on the air! 4th caller: (hyper) Boy, the devil’s been on my back today! I tell you, the Devil has come after me with everything he has. Man, he’s put his fiery darts in a bazooka and blasted ‘em my way! I don't know what to do about it, I feel like my brain has been nuked! Praise God, pray for me! Wally: (sobbing) Next caller, go ahead please! (music stops, then becomes depressing) 5th caller: (monotone) My brother jumped off a ski slope into a low-flying plane. My mother got run over with a freight train, my Daddy was electrocuted while trying to blow-dry his hair under water. My sister drank some shellac and had a nice finish. My cat got flushed down the sewer, my dog went splat on the highway. My house was the target of the annual termite convention, I’m gonna change my name to Job and go stand in the welfare line, praise the Lord... (Ends with music) Wally: (on chorus starts, breaks out crying and sobbing loudly throughout.) Waaaauuuuugh! (As the chorus plays, Wally puts his head down on the table and sobs with his body heaving. He wipes his eyes, and does little funny bits to indicate his emotional state.) Chorus 3: (sung) Oh, When the saints / start calling in / to tell the world about their woe... Oh, I want to call that number, to the Testimony Show! Wally: (blows nose loudly, while still crying) Testimony Show, you’re on the air... (Wally's emotional state gradually changes as the next caller encourages him. He begins with a depressed, down-trodden demeanor, but brightens a little at each sentence, nodding in agreement, until he is smiling and happy at the end.) 6th caller: (sincerely) Hello! Look, I would just like to comment on the array of calls you've received from people who profess to be Christians... they were nothing but proclamations of defeat! I mean, I realize that Christians have their share of problems just like everybody else, but the Bible declares that Jesus has overcome the world. I mean, even though we're going to face trials and tribulations in this life, we can still walk victoriously in the Lord! After all, the Bible says we are overcomers by the word of our testimony. If we talk defeat and focus on the negative all the time, we're just giving Satan all the more opportunity to destroy us! But if we stand firm on God's word and continue to seek the Lord in all situations, then we'll be made more than conquerors through Jesus Christ. And besides that, what does it look like to the world when Christians walk on their bottom lip all the time? But if we present life to them, rather than defeat, then the love of Christ will touch their hearts and they'll receive the peace they so desire. Wally: Hey, man, I want to thank you for calling in! I really needed to be reminded of that. 6th caller: Oh, no problem, man. Glad to do it. Hey, God bless you, and you have a great day in the Lord! Wally: (rejoicing) Hallelujah! Now, that’s the kind of testimony I love to hear! We got time for one more call...Testimony Show, you’re on the air! Last caller: What a day this has been! What an absolutely awful day! This has been the worst time of my li... Wally: (interrupting and shutting him off) I’m sorry, we’re all out of time! Try calling back when your phone’s been disconnected! Whoo-hooo! (Wally sheds the headphones and dances a funny jig of sheer joy around the stage as the final chorus plays.) Chorus 4: (sung) Oh, when the saints / start calling in, / the way they talk is such a sin. But the Church will grow in number, when we give the praise to Him! Wally: (leaning down to the microphone) Well, that’s it for this week. We’ll see you next Wednesday at one. Meanwhile, be not weary in well-doing! (Wally does a happy jig off the stage as the music fades out.) Soundtrack note: The live performance script may be different from the album version! All of the music and effects that the above script call for are on the soundtrack CD. NOT all of the minor effects that you hear on the fully-produced album version are on the soundtrack, since it would make it too complicated to perform in syncronization with. The necessary effects and music are on the soundtrack; but the album version can be layered with many subtle effects to benefit the recording, hence the difference. But all of the sounds and musical backgrounds listed in the above script are present in the soundtrack cuts. In cases where the script is adapted from an album skit (the albums are available here), there are sometimes changes in the script or soundtrack to better accomodate a live performance. There are no limitations on what can be done on or added to an album, but there are limitations as to how much you can do live. The soundtracks are mixed with an eye toward making your performance shine, not necessarily to perfectly match the album version. Music and lyrics copyright 1998 by Sheep Laughs Records (Inform me of your intention to use this script, or tell me what you thought of it, by going to the Contact Fred page of this site.) Rights Of Use Legal fine print: This and any other skit material on this site is copyrighted by Sheep Laughs Publications. Use of their material is limited by the following terms:
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